Ask A Stupid Questionnaire Get A Stupid Answer

It's Bonfire Night! As I'm sure you're all aware this is a British tradition, now almost four hundred years old, which commemorates the only occasion on which an honest man entered Parliament. Usually this event is marked with fireworks and the burning of effigies. The Labour Party, however, appear to have come up with an innovative celebration in the form of this entertaining "survey":

Do you think that our laws should be updated to cope with the current security threat? Yes - No - Not sure

Do you think police should have the time and opportunity to complete their investigations into suspected terrorists? Yes - No - Not sure

Do you think the government should make sure there are new safeguards to protect innocent people? Yes - No - Not sure

Would you like to be kept up-to-date on the progress of this legislation and other issues? Yes - No - Not sure

Nasty men want to make you go boom. Are you frightened? Yes - No - Not sure

OK, Justin made the last one up, but does it really look so out of place?

The accompanying blurb claims that Charles the Safety Elephant not only want our views, but wants them "as soon as possible." Frankly I'm not convinced. If he were genuinely interested in anyone but Tony Blair's opinion you'd have thought it might have occured to him to include at least one question touching on the points of contention in the debate surrounding proposed anti-terror legislation. Maybe he couldn't think of anything. I guess he's a really busy guy. Being the helpful sort I thought it might be useful to offer a few suggestions of my own:

Do you think the police should have the power to arrest somebody for something they said just because it sort of, maybe, sounded like an endorsement of political violence? Yes - No - Not Sure

Do you think the police should be spending more time hassling and alienating dodgy looking people with dark skin and beards? Yes - No - Not Sure

Do you think that the police should have more powers to detain octogenarian suicide hecklers than they already do? Yes - No - Not Sure

If you read this Charlie, please feel free to borrow them. I'm sure you'll find them very useful. Or not.

The rest of you might be interested to note that anybody can submit answers to the questionnaire and you don't even have to enter a real email address. If I was a malicious person I'd suggest you go and fuck it up. Fortunately for Charlie I'm actually quite nice. Most of the time.

Before anyone accuses me of anything improper I'm not disputing the need for a serious, intelligent debate about how we respond to terrorism, but this laughable excuse for a survey is neither serious nor intelligent and as such deserves every bit of the opprobrium it has been subjected to.