the Disillusioned kid: Be Afraid. Be Very Afraid.
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Sunday, August 01, 2004

Be Afraid. Be Very Afraid.

I had thought about waiting to write something about the government's "Preparing For Emergencies" information until my booklet came through, skimming the website there's a disappointing amount of interesting stuff, maybe when I get the hard-copy I'll find something which inspires me to write. Or not. In the meantime check out this amusing spoof. The site, purporting to represent The Ministry of Vague Paranoia, includes this helpful advice on what to do in the event of an emergency:
  • Run
  • Really, really fast.
  • Follow the advice of the emergency services, unless that advice is something other than "Run".
  • Try to remain calm and think before acting, and try to reassure others. Or, trample them in a desperate attempt to flee as the building you're in is consumed by a radioactive cloud.
  • Check for injuries. Here's a hint: if it's painful, it's probably injured. However, hurting when you pee is probably not an injury related to the incident. But get yourself checked out anyway.
  • My personal favourite tit-bit is the advice on what to do in the event of a zombie attack: "The assailants can be stopped by removing the head or destroying the brain. Suitable tools you may find in your shed include shovels, cricket bats, and similar items." (At this point, I should probably confess my penchant for zombie movies. This particular reference is to the recent, and rather good, Shaun Of The Dead).

    Probably best to check this out soon. The government aren't best pleased. They apparently sent the webmaster a letter encouraging him to "take down the site, immediately, and not put it up again in another guise" "[i]n the interests of helping people to cope in the event of a crisis or a disaster". Who says they don't have a sense of humour?!

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