the Disillusioned kid: This might be satire
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Monday, February 13, 2006

This might be satire

S. Raghunath has the details on how Sir Seewusagar Ramgoolam, "the Father of the Mauritian nation," got conned by the British, fronting for the Americans, into giving up Mauritian sovereignty over Diego Garcia and the Chagos Archipelago:
"Sir Seewusagar, Her Majesty's Government has great pleasure in granting Mauritius full and unconditional independence and we wish you and your people well."

"Thank you. Never again will Mauritius fall under the yoke of British imperialism and colonialism."

"Quite Sir Seewusagar. Before the British delegation departs for London, it has a small request to make. As you know, out in the desolate Chagos archipelago, there's a worthless strip of uninhabited coral called Diego Garcia. We wish to retain it for a while as a memento of our long and fruitful association with Mauritius and its gracious people."

"Are you out of your blinking mind? Diego Garcia is uninhabited? Why, right now there are over a thousand people living on it."

"Why, Sir Seewusagar, you must be kidding. There are no people on Diego Garcia. Just giant marine turtles and to prove my point, here are a few satellite photographs, courtesy dirty tricks dept. of the CIA."

"Hmmm... They do look like marine turtles. Okay, in that case, you can retain Diego Garcia for a while and I'm sorry I got worked up over nothing."

"Oh, it's quite all right, Sir Seewusagar. It happens to the best of us. Would you mind very much if we station a couple of B-52s on Diego Garcia?"

"Just a minute. Aren't B-52s giant intercontinental bombers of the United States Air Force and capable of carrying nuclear weapons? Look, we don't want to get involved in any super power rivalry and get blown to bits in the bargain."

"Why, Sir Seewusagar, you must be joking. Whoever told you that B-52 is a plane? You see, it's the brand name of a new anti-perspirant and deodorant being test-marketed. It contains 52 percent Benzene Glycol and that's why it's called B-52."

"Oh, is that so? Nobody tells me anything. Okay, if that's the case, you can base a few B-52s on Diego Garcia."

"Thank you, Sir Seewusagar. It's a pleasure to do business with you and take you for a ride. Would you have objections if we set up on Diego Garcia a few storage tanks capable of holding a million gallons of high-octane aviation petrol?"

"Whatever for? You're talking as though you're planning to convert Diego Garcia into a major military base and a staging post."

"Of course not, Sir Seewusagar, we've no such intention and have we ever lied to you? You see, some of our American allies might occasionally vacation on Diego Garcia and they'll need aviation petrol to dry wash their green fatigues."

"Oh, is that so? In that case, you can set up a few storage tanks on Diego Garcia."

"Sir Seewusagar, we also wish to blast the coral and deepen the approach channel into Diego Garcia harbour. A cruise ship might visit Diego Garcia in a while."

"Oh, a cruise ship? You mean, something like the QE2?"

"No, not quite. Something like the USS ENTERPRISE."
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